If procrasturbating were an Olympic sport, I’d be a fucking gold medalist. But like I said, I don’t need help—I’ve designed a system: I get ready an hour ahead of time so that I’m free to touch myself until the very last second, until I need to get on with my daily schedule. I take my shower , blow dry my hair, and get fully dressed (except for pants, which I take out of the drawer and leave at the foot of the bed) before I lie down, close my eyes, and start the cycle.If not a full-on masturbation addict, I’m certainly an emotional masturbator. When I’m sad, happy, grouchy, or just bored, my hand automatically reaches down into my underwear and onto my cock. I can hardly be left alone for a few minutes on a comfortable piece of furniture without rubbing myself. Hotels are the worst—often, the only place to sit down is a bed, so I’m basically just touching myself the entire time I’m in the room.My first memories of masturbating are from when I was about 9 or 10 years old. My mother. Well join the freakin' club, cause I didn't have a clue either. When she told me before Christmas break that she would be coming home early, I thought it was going to be to spend the rest of the holiday with me. So what happens? We spend one night together and she says she'll see me in a coupe of weeks and she splits for parts unknown. And the kicker was her reason, "Johnny it is just too good when we are together." Can you believe that shit? Hey, didn't I say the same thing about her last Christmas? Well at least this year I wasn't crying all over myself about her; this time she said she'd see me later.My first instinct when she drove off was to call one of the other women in my life and fuck Rachael off my mind. I tabled that as a bad idea, though. It just wasn't my nature to use someone like that. So instead I drove down to Jiffy Lube and used one of my gift certificates for an oil change. That burnt up all of thirty minutes. Since the Jiffy Lube was right down from Mama's Diner,.
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